$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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