If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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