when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
