Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
