Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize