K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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