I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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