When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
