Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
