dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
