I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
