I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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