on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we're making bets on your personal life
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
