Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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