Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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