I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
