apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
