trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im part way to drunk.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
