By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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