I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
