you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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