Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
