I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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