I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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