Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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