I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
