yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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