Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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