I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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