Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
