this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
