it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
