im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
