He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
