dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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