His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
