wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
