Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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