i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
