The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my being single is dangerous.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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