K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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