Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
