she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
