Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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