You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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