and you said cock pushups were impossible
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
