I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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