he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
