I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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