Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sext me about skeletons
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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