And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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