I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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