I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
