last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
