I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
