I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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