you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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