Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
