my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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