you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
