Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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